Ashes To Dust Read online

  I knew without a shadow of a doubt that everything was about to change and my life as I know it was over.

  “Anya, is that you?”

  My body jumps from hearing the voice of my husband. A voice and never thought I would hear again and now I'm hearing it in the seventh layer of hell.

  There stands my husband in the flesh. In all of his glory dressed as a monster. He looks just like the men and women who are pointing and separating families.

  Except, he’s standing in front of me. He looks beautiful and scary all at the same time.

  He looks worried as he looks over his shoulder and steps into my personal space.

  If it would have been three hours ago, I might not have had an issue with him being so close. Now, I wince from Milo. I jump a little, trying to protect myself from what is about to happen to me.

  “Milo,” I whisper his name, looking down at my feet.

  “My love, I have missed you.”

  “Stein! You are wanted back at selection!” A man yells at Milo.

  “I need you to promise me something,” he murmurs. “I need you to promise to keep your head down and not look at anybody and do not draw attention to yourself. It's incredibly important. You have to promise me. You will keep your head down. No one can know that we know each other. We would get killed. Do you understand me?"

  “Milo, where are we? I have never seen anything like it.”

  “My love, you are in Auschwitz.”

  I shake a little in my worn-out shoes that I've had since I was in middle school. What exactly is this place? I think to myself. I have no idea what to say or do as my husband walks away from me.

  Chapter Twelve: Milo

  Now that I have seen her, I feel the need to watch her at all times. It’s bad enough that I have to be careful and not blow our cover, but I wanted to grab her and kiss her.

  She is my wife, after all.

  Fuck.

  I walk away from her even though I worry about her fate.

  “Stein, did you see any twins?” The doctor asks.

  I shake my head. Truthfully, I didn’t pay attention to any twins. They were the last of my worries. I am more interested in making sure Anya stays alive. The stakes are higher than ever with her being here.

  “No, doctor.”

  “Anyone interesting?”

  Yes, my wife.

  “No, doctor.”

  He shakes his head, displaying a mean grin on his face. A lot of the female officers find him attractive and gush about how handsome he is. As a man, I don’t find him attractive, but I also don’t find his personality interesting either. He’s a manipulative man who will stop at nothing in getting what he wants.

  “We will begin selection now,” he informs me as if I didn’t know how the process works.

  I snap my polished boots together. “Of course, doctor.”

  One by one, the Jewish men are assigned their destiny. Two to the left, one to the right and then vice versa. Straight down to the last one.

  “No! Not my husband!” A woman cries out as her husband is shuffled into a truck to be sent to the gas chamber. “Please! Let me go with him!” She cries out.

  The doctor smiles. “Which one is your husband, sweetheart?” He asks with fake honey in his voice.

  The Jewish woman points to a man who is trying to climb off the back of the truck. “He’s my husband! You have to let me go with him. Please.”

  “Bring him to me,” he says to Klaus.

  Klaus quickly follows directions, grabbing the man in question. Once he has the man in his hands, he’s dragging him to the doctor.

  What the woman fails to realize, she just sped up their grisly fate here. She sped up what could have taken a day to a year to happen. Now it is about to happen within minutes.

  “How long have you been married?” The doctor asks.

  “Ten years!” The woman and the man answer at the same time.

  “I want you to kiss each other.”

  The two new prisoners look as if they are in shock. Their eyes are wide with their lips partly open. I can see they think this is a trick.

  And it is.

  This is a learning exercise.

  “Do it,” the doctor demands.

  The couple must sense the doctor’s patience running low because they lean in for a kiss. As soon as their lips are touching, the doctor waves Klaus over to do what we all thought he was going to do in the first place.

  No, the doctor has a reputation to uphold.

  Klaus aims the gun into the back of the man’s head. He cocks it first then fires it. The bullet has the desired results as both of the prisoners fall to the selection platform with blood pouring out of their heads.

  All of the prisoners scream from the bullet.

  “Why waste two bullets when I can get away with only using one?” The doctor says with confidence to the officers then turns his attention to the rest of the new inmates. “Let this be a lesson for you. Do not push my buttons. We want to get you showers, get you clean clothes and warm food in your stomachs. I will not hesitate to shoot you, though. Do you understand me?”

  Everyone nods their heads and tries to think of ways to be accommodating to the doctor.

  “Do you want to help me like I want to help you?” He asks.

  The newcomers nod.

  “Good. Anyone here have any twins?”

  Chapter Thirteen: Anya

  I don’t dare look up. I don’t dare look around.

  Not after seeing the married couple get shot in front of us.

  Unfortunately for me, the person I should want the comfort from is now the reason why I need to be comforted.

  How could he be in an organization that disregards life this this? I don’t understand how anyone would want to be a part of a movement where they are killing so recklessly.

  It gets to be my turn to step up and get told if I’m going to the left of to the right. I wait patiently as a Nazi examines me closely. He moves my hair away from my neck, leans in and smells me a little.

  I wish he wouldn’t have done that. It has been a long time since I have taken a bath. I could use a shower badly.

  “Right,” he murmurs and moves on to the next person.

  Within seconds, I’m huddled into a new group of people who are all looking around trying to find out where we are and why we are here. Is this the place that Jack warned us about? Is that what he meant when he said people were being taken from their homes and sent to some place new?

  If so, I would rather go back into hiding.

  This place is terrifying!

  “I’m only going to say this once!” A Nazi woman with a whip in her hand and her other hand resting on her gun.

  “You will follow my directions, or you will join the others.”

  “Where are the others?”

  The woman smiles with her porcelain teeth gleaming in the flood lights. She points to a smokestack with a satisfying smile on her face. “There.”

  My heart plummets in my stomach, my breathing becomes erratic.

  I barely recognize all of the things that are happening to my body. I have checked out of being here in the worst way.

  It isn’t until I have scolding hot water beating down on my skin, do I feel the actual depravity of the situation.

  Good g_d. I’m going to die here.

  With my hair in a heap on the floor, I am now sporting a shaved head. As my parents didn’t have a lot of extra money for the extra things, my mother used to trim my hair at the kitchen table after we began to feel the squeeze. I feel the top of my uneven shaven head and swallow back tears.

  Even as I stand naked in a room full of women, head to toe shaven, disinfected, tattooed and stripped of everything I once was, I miss my hair more than anything.

  Oh no! My picture is resting in the pocket of the coat. If the Nazis find it… what would happen to me? What would happen to him?

  It’s strange that I even care after witnessing the brutal nature of the par
ty he has chosen. I still love him. I still love the man who has made promises to end my people.

  Why do I care? Why do I care if he still loves me or not?

  “Move it! Inmate!” A Nazi woman officer yells at me to hurry along.

  I snap out of my sad thoughts and grab a striped pajama outfit with my number already stitched onto it. The tattoo is still fresh in my arm, but I can’t remember getting it. The number seems foreign to me, as I rub my fingers against the stitching of it.

  Everyone that was forced into the shower with me, now has pajamas similar to the one I have in my hands.

  With horror, I look at the striped pajamas in my hands. There are holes in them, worn marks throughout the whole set and huge splashes of blood on it.

  Tears fill my eyes. Even standing naked in front of everyone, I’m more upset about the striped pajamas.

  “Move it or I will move you myself!”

  I jump.

  Quickly, I shove my legs in the pants of the pajamas without underwear. The rough fabric scratches against my raw skin and the waistband of the pants is loose around my shrinking waist. The loose shirt wraps around my shoulders, making it easy for me to quickly button it and get out of the way of everyone behind me.

  The part that stinks, is shoving my feet into two different sized shoes. The shoes are junk and have more than likely been used by a few other hundred Jews before me. It’s horrible wearing their clothes and their shoes while wondering what happened to them.

  “Inmate! Let’s move! We have to do count!” The Nazi woman barks at me causing me to jump in my skin.

  Without another word, I leave the showers and registration area all the while hoping I will never have to go back there again. That place is scary.

  Hell, every place here is scary.

  “Move! Move! Move! How can you guys be so fucking slow! Move your asses right now!” The Nazi woman shouts at us.

  I feel hungry, violated and dehumanized. There’s no other way to describe it at this time. I feel utterly dehumanized.

  As we are pushed and shoved through the rest of the makeshift showers, I see piles and piles of glasses, shoes, clothes and belongings. I’m happy I didn’t bring anything with me. I don’t want them to have anything more of me.

  They already have my soul.

  Those animals destroyed my family and have now begun to destroy me.

  What’s worse, my husband is an animal now, too.

  Chapter Fourteen: Milo

  The doctor saved Anya. That’s all that matters.

  My head spins, my body aches from the instinct to protect my wife. Everything inside of me is warring. I know I should hate her, should want to put her to death.

  But I can’t.

  “How many twins came in with the last shipment?” The doctor asks me.

  I shake my head, finishing the charting I have been working on. “We only have two.”

  “Boys or girls?” He retorts.

  “One of each,” I answer.

  “How old?”

  “We spared them from going to the gas chambers. They are under ten.”

  “Excellent. Where are they being housed?”

  He loves to make a meal out of the twins and where they are placed even though he knows exactly where they are. He made a special request to have them housed in the barracks right next to our building. He’s making sure people are following his rules and policies.

  He grabs a handful of candy and smirks at me. “I assume they are housed where I have advised them to be housed?”

  “Yes, doctor.”

  “Excellent. I shall be back in an hour.”

  I nod as I continue to complete the charts for the three sets of twins who died this morning from malnourishment and dehydration. The doctor requests all charts to be completed within a timely manner.

  Anya should be housed in the all female barracks which is located at the far corner of the camp. I want to go and save her, to rescue her from the traumatic experiences she’s about to have here, but I can’t.

  My oath to my country and my cause is supposed to run deeper than my love for my wife. Unfortunately, I’m beginning to think I made the wrong oath.

  “Doctor Stein?” A woman calls from behind me.

  I spin on my chair to a see a Jewish woman with scabies all over her body.

  I wince. Once scabies has created an outbreak, we are all done for. Then comes Typhus. Then comes everything else that could spread throughout the camp and infect all of the inmates and the guards.

  It’s only a matter of time.

  “Yes, inmate?”

  “I feel sick to my stomach,” she whines with her hand over her bulging stomach.

  Shit! She’s pregnant.

  “Are you pregnant?”

  She shakes her head. “I don’t think so, sir.”

  “When was the last time you had sexual intercourse?” I ask as I put my chart down to look at the woman standing in front of me.

  Her face is gray, her skin looks tight and her eyes are sunken in. I know she’s hungry and needing food and water to help with some of these pains, but I can’t provide her with that.

  I can’t give her something that will give her a prolong lifespan inside of the camp.

  I think back to Anya. My wife who is so good and pure. She wouldn’t want me to do the things I allow. The things I turn my back on as a medical professional. I allow things that create life and death.

  That create suffering which is not needed.

  “Uh, a few months ago… I think. What month is it?”

  Great. “I need you to sit down on the table, please. I need to do a formal checkup.”

  The doctor comes back in at this time with a skip in his step. He must have seen something that works for him and that’s why he’s so happy. And his smile gets even bigger as he looks at the woman on the table.

  This woman is going to be the next guinea pig for the doctor’s experiments.

  I take a deep breath and pick up the chart to put it away in the cabinet. We might be experimenting on lives here, but we are taking meticulous notes. It’s incredibly important that all of our experiments are documented and handled in a precise way for the Fuhrer.

  “Sir, I’m going to take a break. I will let you handle this patient. I need to get something to eat.”

  I don’t let him respond; I leave the medical facility in search of my wife.

  I need to see her.

  “Halt! What do you have?” A newer officer demands a male inmate. The male inmate drops to his knees with a potato in his hand.

  I don’t bother to stop as I know what will take place for the inmate. The bullet flies through the weapon hitting him in the head. The inmate falls to the left of me in my peripheral vision.

  “Stein!”

  Nancy, a new female officer, stops in front of me with a cocky smile on her face and her whip in her hand. She was also one of the officers who brought Anya through registration.

  And she’s also an officer who spends more time on her back then on her feet. She has slept with a majority of the male officers and rumors have it she has now worked her way through the Jews.

  The woman scream sleezy slut with her uniform a little too tight. I know exactly why she has stopped me.

  “Nancy,” I retort with a quick reply. I don’t want to talk to her for any longer than I have to. I need to get to Anya.

  My wife.

  My wife who is a Jew.

  I’m screwed. I’m utterly and completely screwed.

  “You know, I think we should have dinner sometime,” she teases.

  I shrug and smirk. “No, thank you.”

  “Are you married? You know, a lot of us women have been trying to find out if you are married or single…”

  “It doesn’t matter what I am or am not, I’m not interested.”

  “Married. You’re married!”

  “I will see you later,” I hedge, sidestepping her.

  “Stein, who are you married to?” Nancy
steps in front of me with her long blonde hair tied up in a high ponytail.

  Her cleavage is hanging out of the top of her uniform. She looks trashy. Every bit of the whore she has been deemed.

  “Nancy, have some respect for yourself and get out of my way. I am not interested.”

  I leave her standing in the middle of the yard with her mouth agape. She is not used to people telling her no and I do not give two shits about it.

  “You! Hey, you! Is that a tattoo on your leg?” Nancy yells at a Jew who is walking by.

  Chapter Fifteen: Anya

  “The first night is always the hardest,” my new friend, Joan, says to me as I climb into the middle bunk.

  I wince. The wood is cold and hard with absolutely no padding for me to sleep. I am so beyond tired, I’m not even tired anymore and the lack of comfort is going to make it hard for me to sleep.

  And the fact that we are packed into these barracks like sardines. People are not meant to be this close to each other.

  My eyes attempt to well up in tears, tears from losing everything that I have lost in the past week. However, I can’t seem to cry. The tears are there but will not actually flow.

  My stomach pangs from the loss, though. It feels as if someone is stabbing me in the stomach repeatedly. No matter what I do, I can’t seem to ease the pain.

  “Let me tell you a little about what goes on. You seem a little green around the edges,” Joan adds.

  I nod. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry.”

  “Why are you sorry? You have no reason to be sorry.”

  “How long have you been here?” I blurt.

  Joan looks like the rest of us, her head is shaven and she’s wearing the same striped pajamas that I am. Her feet are covered in mud with scratches all over them. She must have lost her shoes a while ago.

  That’s horrible. It’s cold outside.

  “About four months. It doesn’t take long to understand and know what is required of us in order to survive. Have you met the guard with the boobs yet?”

  “Huh?”

  “Blonde hair, pretty lips and has her breasts hanging out of her uniform. You would know who I’m talking about if you saw her yet.”